BEEP BEEP BEEP ....
5am: Damn alarm. I don't want to get up. No you have to, time to run. Where are my fff --, oh there are my shoes. Ok, oatmeal, coffee and then time to run.
7am: (ring ring) Clerk say, "Hello." I say like I am just happy to be here, "Hey it's Dr. P, I am here in the hospital."
715am: Discussion with family about surgery and answering any additional questions. The same questions I answered in our preop conference.
730am: Scrubs are on. It is now game time. Head phone in my left ear. Tool is playing.
Listen to the tales as we all rationalize,
our way into the arms of the savior.
Fading all the trials and the tribulations.
None of us have actually been there,
Not like you...
The ignorant fibbers in the congregation.
Gather around spewing sympathy,
None of them can even hold a candle up to you.
Blinded by choices,
hypocrites won't see.
But enough about the collective Judas.
Who could deny you were the one who illuminated?
Your little piece of the divine.
This little light of mine it gives your past unto me,
I'm gonna let it shine to guide you safely on your way.
Your way home...
I'll be a good boy, I promise
No mommy don't hit me
Why did you have to hit me like that, mommy?
Don't do it, you're hurting me
Why did you have to be such a b!t@h
Why don't you,
Why don't you just f#%k off and die
Why can't you just f#%k off and die
Why can't you just leave here and die
Never stick your hand in my face again bitch
I don't need this shit
You stupid sadistic abusive f#%king whore
How would you like to see how it feels mommy
Here it comes, get ready to die ....
(Guitar riff is playing) I look over at the patient. F#%kin' ansethesia. Why does it have to be like groundhogs day? Why do I always have the CA-1? Why does it take them 1 hour to get lines in a normal child? FFFF#####%%%%%%KKKK. Be patient, breathe.
Spine instrumentation rep, Joe, says, “So, you been busy?" Why does he feel the need to speak to me at this moment? He knows I don't like small talk now. "Well, you know its summer. Busy season for us," I say and smile.
My resident today is Paul, ortho year 2. He has never done spine before let alone a deformity case. UUURRRGHHH, this is going to be painful. My only hope is he knows how to use a cobb. "So, Paul, while anesthesia is getting the lines in, give me the Lenke Classification of this curve." I wish the Guano Apes didn't break up. That lead singer, man, she totally rocks out.
walk like a stag
talk like a stag
come watch yourself
walk like a stag
who could wear my pants
you got no
yeah yeah how come ...
"Are we ready to flip," I say. "Ok anesthesia count." She says, "1 .. 2.. 3." The patient is flipped. Everyone starts to scurry around the room. Breathe, patience, slow your hands.
"Bill, do you have good wave forms?" I say to my neuromonitoing guy.
"Ok, you all ready? Go head and prep." Last song, focus.
"Judith" A Perfect Circle
You're such an inspiration for the ways
That I'll never ever choose to be
Oh so many ways for me to show you
How the savior has abandoned you
F#%k your God
Your Lord and your Christ
He did this
Took all you had and
Left you this way
Still you pray, you never stray
Never taste of the fruit
You never thought to question why
It's not like you killed someone
It's not like you drove a hateful spear into his side
Praise the one who left you
Broken down and paralyzed
He did it all for you
He did it all for you ....
We finally begin the case. "Knife to the young doctor. Ok Paul, go from here to here." Ok, with the next pass, you can actually go through the skin. "Good job, wheaty to me. Paul take your bovie and cut between my snap. So, where are the normal bleeders we will encounter while approaching the spine." I know he will have no idea. They never do.
OK, it is 930, we are exposed. "Let’s pick a level we know we are going to fuse. Alright, burr." Patience, same steps every time. "Tap, screw..... OK, C-arm. let's verify these levels." .... "Good we have enough exposure."
I put in all of my screws. Now it's Paul's turn. Be patient. "Ok, Paul have you looked at the pedicle screw chart."
"Sure," he says.
"Ok, rods. Cap." FFFF#####%%%%%%KKKK, why do they always have to go on break when we are at this part, g*d d@*n, mother f#%ker, sh1t, b@$t@rd, Son of a b1^ch. "The cap is in that tray, use the blue handled ... Joe help her." I close my eyes. Breathe, breathe. Why me, what have I done? I think they must hate me.
"Xray ... That looks pretty good. Let's see how the xray looks."
Shouting out, “Bill are you happy?"
“Yes Dr. P, I am happy.”
“Well, alright. Let’s rock out.”
God, I thank you god guiding my hands. Amen